Chapter 6: Learned Intimacy Styles

How we learn to love and connect is deeply influenced by how we were loved in our childhood. These styles of bonding and attaching have a significant influence in our development and carry on through adulthood. We need to be able to see and comprehend this reality, but not to stay in the pain of the past. God displays to us His heart and His purposes in order to validate His design. He helps us to comprehend how and why we are broken, in order to meet us at our point of need. God is compassionate and faithful in aiding us in the pain of our past – but He is vigilant and fierce about helping us overcome. We are not a product of our past as children of God – we are a product of His redemptive purposes. Still, seeing and validation the missing needs, the hurt and the way our heart was malnourished helps us to understand the “why.” If you struggle with a difficult childhood, remember that Father God (“Daddy”) has already secured your future. He is already waiting with an agenda to heal, restore and release you from that trauma.

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Chapter 6 Learned Intimacy Graphic

Chapter 6 Learned Outline



Father God,

I look at my parents and my own learned style of connecting and I realize that there are places of hurt and deficiency. I have asked you to heal me, but still, I find that deep inside I’m sometimes trapped by abuse, abandonment, neglect and other injuries. I have often tried to replace what’s missing by focusing on my current relationships. Show me where original wounds occurred, and how and why my intimacy style may have been skewed. Give me the desire of my heart and display to me the depths of your love.

In Jesus name – Amen


Next week we’ll look at intimacy styles found in marriage and parenting. Even if you aren’t married, this is a vital lesson to learn and something that will help you learn from your past, and prepare for you future. Remember, God is a Redeemer. He doesn’t expose to harm us, but to set us free.