I was assaulted by ambition to make life work. If I tried hard, worked more I could escape the never-ending fear of failure that assaulted my well-being. I never felt enough. I never knew love. In its place I had built my own idea of God. I used intellect and theology to define His character. I didn’t stop to question my heart, but I followed my agenda. I was too busy to discover I didn’t know Him. I was striving too hard to see that I had missed Him.
Quietness and rest were my enemy. If I stopped, I had to feel. If I laid still, I may have to address the empty aching hole that rested deep within. I was at war with the image of any God other than one I had created. But when life failed me and pain rocked me, this faulty system failed too. Religion couldn’t help me, this empty god couldn’t save me.
But it was there I met my King. It was there I was ravaged by His power. For I had been deceived. I had counted on myself to be made right. But in His shelter, I was free. His kindness was my joy. He carried my distress. He settled my perspective.
I didn’t need to work, I only needed to rest. I didn’t need to prove, I only need to be known. I didn’t do anything to deserve this favor. I only gave up the fight. I only let Him in.
I can be empowered and I can trust in God. It’s not up to me to defend myself or prove my merits or right standing. I am defended. I am accounted for. I am already established by Him.
Meditation Point: Moving Towards Hope
Safe is a place where I am free because I am loved, not because I’m good. Safe gives me resources because I need them, not because I earned them.
When I’m struggling with not feeling safe:
Father God,
I grow exhausted trying to be enough. I don’t know how to receive. I try and fail. I give and give up. I don’t know the key to access you or the methods you use to calm and empower me heart. But I want to know. If I am weak, I fear loss. If I give up striving, I fear that I will fail. Help me to release and receive. To live from your power not my own. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t understand your way. But I want to know. I need to know. I want the treasure in dark places of who you are.
In Jesus name – Amen
Cookie | Duration | Description |
---|---|---|
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics | This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". | |
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional | The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". | |
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary | This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". | |
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others | This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. | |
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance | This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". | |
viewed_cookie_policy | The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data. |