My life was dictated by waves. Happiness and sadness loomed on the horizon vying for control of my world. Those waves of happiness more often than not were crashed with seasons of hurt and loss. My own sense of internal stability, a product of what happens to me, I tried to stifle pain. I hid the things that hurt me. I covered the grieve and pain. Fear reigned and rule, and was the monitor of my heart. I never felt in charge. I was a product of how well I managed emotions; or how much I could control them from taking over.
Fearing to feel, I stifled my heart. Fearing to live, I was emotionless. But my Father taught me what no book can – that pain lives with joy. And that His comfort, His strength births strength within. The sheer joy of my Father’s love isn’t based on what is happening. It isn’t measured by quantity of good or right things that happened in that moment. The joy I receive from my Father is based on His promises and hope. It is a joy that stands aware of His power, of His goodness and of His control. I am not owned by circumstances. I have the Joy Maker inside me, regulating my heart to experience Him both in the valley and the mountain peaks. He smiles at me with contagion and lifts me from the sulking bed of my depression. I have many reasons to lay still, and give up. Yet I look at His face, and feel life being infused into the core of who I am.
Meditation Point: Moving Towards Hope:
I can feel with Jesus. I can receive comfort from my storms. I can have joy inside the sorrow. I can have peace inside calamity. I feel because I’m made to feel. And the author of the Universe is in charge of my heart. My safety is His joy. My strength is His heart.
When I Struggle with Emotions
I fear to feel. I am afraid of pain and hurt. I want to protect my heart from feeling and in the process block your joy and your comfort. Help me to understand the power of my emotions. Sustain me in the moment and teach me to feel with you.
In Jesus name – Amen