I stopped hoping and dreaming of better days. Disappointment strangled my capacity to try again – to let my heart believe. I survived in the moment, each hour shielding myself from pending doom. I reminded myself of what I might lose, how I might hurt, how the desires of my heart may never be realized. If I had hope, if I trusted in good outcomes, I would have to suffer the consequence when I was let down. It was safer to simply give up. In my protective shell I felt alone. I felt unknown and unseen, unrecognized and looked over. It seemed protection held a benefit, but in reality it kept me from growing. Outside I stopped living, inside I was dying.
But when everything else failed, when all options were exhausted and when the deplorable state of fear left my heart bound, I sought a new perspective. When I was without resources to fix my life, my Savior came to my aid and assistance. I found life and vibrancy in Him, rather than pain and loss in the world.
It’s not that He fixed everything – but He dressed this world through His point of view – what looked grey in my heart, was now draped with a rainbow of hope. Where fear had etched doom and gloom onto my soul, Jesus explored the possibilities of life in Him and through Him. Hope didn’t fix everything. It didn’t even add something new. It allowed me to persevere in the moment and believe that better days are ahead. Hope assaulted my depression; it arrested my despair; and planted my feet on the solid ground of God’s providence, of His plans and purposes.
Meditation Point: Moving towards Hope
I can decree that the Creator of the Universe has assigned to me a purpose and a place to belong in His Kingdom. He is a good Father with good intentions. He reminds me of His promises. He leads and guides me into His truth. He makes me lie by still waters. He restores my soul. He makes me safe within.
When I struggle with hopelessness:
In the blinding storm I need to see the light. The safe harbor. The place where I can handle what lies ahead. Sometime I give up dreams so that I don’t get hurt. Sometimes I question if you even care. Help me in my distress to find you. Show me the power of Light and Hope. Lead me into your arms where safety is real and you are a Living Reality.
In Jesus name – Amen